Hichigo's Magazine
by Miku Alli
Summary: Another boring day in the innerscape, or is it? Did he ever think he could go inside one of the buildings before? Crackfic.


**Hichigo's Magazine**

**Just to have you all know, this story was written by two people. My stepbrother and myself. He came up with all the basic ideas and storyline and wrote it out. But since he is only 12, I had to rewrite almost everything to make it presentable. The changing tenses, point of views, and all the inconsistencies were ironed out by me. I even had to add to the storyline and change many things so it made sense, etc, etc. Also if you are a Danny Phantom fan catch the Danny Phantom reference for free cookies. He made me include it. So enjoy.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I will let my specially trained ninja squirrel assassination squad leader take over this one.**

**SQ1: Miku Alli and her stepbrother do not own Bleach. If they did, Alli wouldn't of had the time for me. Even though for awhile she spent hours on end catching up with the Bleach episodes, ignoring me completely. *evil look***

**Miku Alli: SQ1. I order you not to kill Tite Kubo, the creator of Bleach. **

**SQ1: *pouts***

* * *

Hichigo in his never ending boredom decided to try to find something to do. He found the biggest building in the innerscape, and walked inside somehow. An attendant greeted him at the door, but they where standing on windows since the buildings where all sideways. He wasn't sure how he got in there, but he would make the best of it while he could. She soon ushered him into an almost empty room. He stood there for a second, completely confused, until he heard a slam. The attendant had run out and locked the door, leaving him trapped inside.

Knowing that the door was probably impossible to get through, he muttered a simple, "Damn.." and made his way over to the table and chair. On the table there were two things. One being a brightly colored magazine labeled 'We' and a pen. He turned to a random page and at the top it read 'Are you lonely? Try our new questionnaire!' at the top. He then mumbled "Hell no…" and turned the page, only to see in big letters the same annoying title, in the same place it was before. He then flipped through the pages, only to find the same annoying title at the top of every one of them. Succumbing to his fate he picked up the pen and started reading the questionnaire.

_~~~ Are you a? ~~~_

_A. Male_

_B. Female_

_C. Other_

_D. Farm Animal_

Suddenly Zangetsu appeared in a poof of smoke sitting in a chair that he could of sworn wasn't there 5 seconds ago. He then said, "Check off C." Hichigo stood up to deliver a nice fast punch to Zangetsu's jaw when another poof of smoke brought upon his disappearing once again. He grumbled a few M rated cuss words and turned back to the questionnaire.

He moved his pen to check off A but his hand jerked and he ended up checking off B. "What the…" he mumbled as another poof of smoke appeared right over the page. When it cleared, the title was still there, but there was a note on the page, not another question.

_Until you finish the questionnaire, I won't let the attendant let you out. Be truthful! _

_-Sincerely, Zangetsu._

_PS: No cheating!_

"ZAAAANNNGGEEETTTSSUUUU!" screamed Hichigo as he threw the pen down, crushing it with his foot. But not before to long, another poof of smoke appeared on the desk bringing a new pen. He then reached back to grab his zanpakutou when he realized it was gone. He then happened to look at the window, where a certain Zangetsu was waving the said Zanpakutou and laughing his butt off. Hichigo shunpo'ed to the door and punch the glass, only resulting in his knuckle to start throbbing and Zangetsu to double over in laughter. Hichigo gave Zangetsu a menacing look and returned to the chair, and picked up the pen. He turned his attention to the page once again, and below and behold the words on the page had changed. It was a question once again.

_~~~ If some random guy asked you on a date, what would you do? Keep in mind, he is hot. He's a total hunk. He's irresistible. He has a tan and a surfer's body. Like that dude on the Hollister bag, but better. Because he's real and not just some picture that you cut out of a bag and put on your wall to stare at when you are feeling really lonely because you are ugly.~~~_

_A. Scream all fangirl like and jump into his arms. _

_B. Slap him, since you don't swing that way._

_C. Say yes, and follow him to his suspicious van._

_D. Give him a beer. He deserves it you know? You are probably some ugly lonely person who will need a couple drinks to even enjoy being with you. _

Hichigo checked C, because he was curious about the van. He just tried to forget about the other parts of that answer. The poof of smoke then reappeared and the question changed once again.

_~~~ If you are lonely, what do you do? ~~~_

_A. Get engaged to that random hobo who sells questionable items on the street corner since you need those questionable items to stay sane in your day to day life. _

_B. Get drunk._

_C. Get a van with blacked out windows, go to the park, and roll down the windows offering candy to children. Then every once in awhile you grab a child and take them and sell them on black market. Very profitable. _

_D. Make out with your mirror only to have your family members catch you and call you a "Lonely freak who has no life, needs to get a job and move out, because all they do all day is stare at a screen and rot."_

The pen jerked and marked off C. Hichigo was seething with anger, and broke the pen once again. Another pen appeared and he went to the final question.

_~~~ Have you answered all these questions truthfully? ~~~_

_A. Yes._

_B. No._

_C. I don't know. I was drunk when I took this anyways._

The pen jerked and checked off C. He was about to tear the magazine up when it sent smoke directly into Hichigo's eyes making him rub his eyes and lean back in his chair trying to escape it. One thing about the smoke, it stung like heck, Hichigo soon realized. But then when the smoke cleared, he turned his attention to the page again. This time it said simply…

_Look out into the train station, your true love is the boxcar hob__o._

He threw the magazine at the door, and it opened to only reveal a huge hollow looming at the doorway. He was too distracted and pissed at Zangetsu to even fight back properly. "All the times for a hollow to appear!" he cursed before the hollow sent some sort of shockwave through the ground, sending Hichigo flying backwards crashing through a few walls. "Why couldn't I do that earlier?" he cursed as he was crashing through different levels.

But then he realized something. For one, he was a hollow, and why would he think he had to kill it? He passed this off as living in a shinigami's mind too long, and went on to the next thing. Why was there a hollow in Ichigo's innerscape anyways? He was the only hollow in here! What would another hollow be doing in here? "Ah.. Who gives a crap! Die you freak of nature!" he yelled as he charged at the hollow.

"Heh… Insults? Just makes me more pissed off! I'm the box hollow!" he screamed as all the boxes inside the building all where determined to stop Hichigo from advancing any further.

"Box hollow? What kind of shit is this?" he shouted as he was pummeled by boxes that seemed to come out of the strangest places. He didn't know what to do, since when he crushed one of them another three appeared in its place.

* * *

Ichigo suddenly felt massive pain in his head only accompanied by the frenzied shouts of his hollow, and was that a laughing Zangetsu?

* * *

As Zangetsu watched the hollow cream Hichigo with boxes he was rolling in laughter. He couldn't stop laughing, it was pretty funny. This would have been over awhile ago if he would have just given Hichigo's zanpakutou back, but it was too funny. But soon he realized something. Hichigo was making some massive damage to the surrounding buildings, which was not good. So he decided, that giving a certain hollow a weapon that he would certainly try to kill a certain someone with wasn't a good idea. To save his own butt, he pulled out the emergency button that would bring Ichigo to the inner world. He then pressed it, and continued watching Hichigo get pummeled with boxes.

* * *

Ichigo soon felt dizzy, and slumped to the ground. This was a usual occurrence, so the teacher just had Chad take him the office. The only strange thing was Rukia was still in class. Usually when he went unconscious like that she left. But the class just passed it off as another normal occurrence and the day went on.

* * *

When Ichigo woke up, Zangetsu was standing over him mumbling something. Ichigo decided that being angry in this situation wouldn't help him much, so he just asked, "What's it this time?" and stood up.

"This is an unusual hollow. It feeds on its opponents hate, anger, and mental instability. So as long as Hichigo continues being the hateful, mad, and mentally instable creature he is my creature will be hard to beat." Zangetsu said, not really noticing that Ichigo was there, standing and giving him a blank expression.

"Your creature? Hollow? What the hell are you guys doing in here?" Ichigo asked Zangetsu in a forceful tone. He really didn't like it when his hollow and Zangetsu played around in his mind, it only left him with either a huge headache or other strange things.

"Yeah." Zangetsu said casually. "I created a hollow in your inner world to play with Hichigo, but it seems like the hollow is much stronger than I anticipated. I would give Hichigo back my powers but he wants to kill me right now. So you are the only one I can trust to get this done without resulting in me losing my life after it is over and done with."

Ichigo gave Zangetsu a blank expression.

"Just go kill the hollow and knock Hichigo out for me would'ja?" Zangetsu said. Ichigo just nodded in mild confusion and went towards where Hichigo was being pummeled by another barrage of boxes. Ichigo waited for a little bit, seeing this was about the only time he could see Hichigo get beat up like this. Hichigo was soon covered in bubble wrap and Ichigo was on the verge of total laugh attack when the hollow made his move to land the final blow on Hichigo.

Ichigo then said in a bored tone, "Getsuga Tensho." and swung down the blade. The burst of reiatsu vaporized the hollow on impact. Hichigo squirmed as Ichigo walked over, now not on the verge of a laugh attack, Ichigo was in one.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Hichigo screamed.

"Yeah it is!" Ichigo said, holding his nose to try not to laugh.

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is."

"NO!"

"Yes."

"NOOOOOOO."

"Would you just shut up?" Ichigo asked, hitting Hichigo over the head with the dull side of the blade, making him fall unconscious. He was about to go back to Zangetsu, but he couldn't resist jumping on Hichigo a few times to pop the bubble wrap. It was too fun.

* * *

When Hichigo woke up, he was at a train station. This confused him, since he didn't even know what a train station was. He looked over to see an open boxcar with a person sitting inside. Out of pure curiosity he went over and climbed inside the boxcar. The person was now cowering in the corner. He went over to see, and it was actually a girl, a girl from what Ichigo's memories identified as, Rangiku Matsumoto?

Rangiku turned and leaped into Hichigo's arms all while saying "I knew it! 'We' said that if I went to a boxcar, and posed as a hobo, I would find the albino man of my dreams!"

Hichigo held her in stunned silence, not really knowing what to do. He had never even met a girl before, not to mention have one in his arms. "Um.. Hi?" he said, his voice wavering in utter confusion.

"Hello!" she said, kissing him on the cheek. This made the said albino turn as red as a tomato.

* * *

Ichigo and Zangetsu pushed down the newspapers they where holding to see their plan unfolding a bit better. This was revenge, they both knew. But then Ichigo realized, "How much sake are we giving her to do this?' he asked Zangetsu.

"Too much." He replied, shaking his head. Then he added, "Oh, and since we can't afford that much sake, we settled on another way to pay her off the sake we can't buy her."

Ichigo then gave Zangetsu an evil look, and said, "Now what might this payment be? If I might ask?"

"Clear up your plans for the next week, you're hers." Zangetsu said, before getting up and running away as fast as his legs could take him.

"ZAAAANNNGGGEETTTSSSUUUU!"

* * *

**((Thanks for reading!))**


End file.
